Anxiety, Gaming, and You

Me and mine both have struggled with different types of anxiety and depression. Use to be every weekend though, we would go to LAN parties for Halo night. We were always busy and always going.

But that stopped. People get older, priorities change, you get put on the back burner or just just realize how shitty some of the people you were friends with, really were.

And all that can be a harsh self confidence hit. So then what?

Oh, I know! I’ll play online! People of all ages, races, and cultures joining together to have fun in the good spirit of competition. What could go wrong?


Oh that’s what can go wrong.

So it’s like a minefield of insults and elitist bullshit.

I understand that not everything is like this, my point is just that a lot of it is. And for someone with anxiety it makes the whole pastime seem completely unapproachable.

I want to play PVP as well as PVE, I want to have a good time, I want the same loot and rewards as everyone else.

But that’s kinda hard when people like me are hyperventilating while trying to psych themselves up just to hit the A button to join.

There seems to be a lack of causal play in fps. I don’t mind being killed. I just don’t want to be ran up on with a shotgun and then tea-bagged because that douche thinks they’re cool. I don’t want to be sniped as soon I spawn. Over and over and over and then getting a message saying to “git gud” What happened to GG and good sportsmanship?

Maybe FPS isn’t the way to go. I’ll just still play PVE but just ignore PVP for a bit.


What’s next?

Omg! Pokemon Go! Augmented reality of a game I’ve been playing for years that brings beloved Pokémon into my world?



…Not much going on here. And…

So close but yet so far

So close but yet so far

This^ this exactly

I don’t go out a lot. I work from home. I don’t have a car or license and as I said, my husbando & I both have anxiety issues that have only gotten worse after the unpleasantness of me losing a job about two years ago.

We just kinda withdrew from the world and stayed there. By there, I mean our house;  with our Xboxs, and our cat.

(which I love him, our cat, and our Xboxs a lot, don’t get me wrong)

But the friends I stay connected with over Facebook are meeting up, going out and combining games with friends and even exercise.
Sounds like a great deal!



Yeah I’m still here.

Things I feel

  • We aren’t wanted
  • We would be singled out as outsiders
  • Someone would bring up a touchy subject that would cause more anxiety
  • Massive guilt for not going and giving people a chance
  • Like a failure at any given point for any given reason
  • Worry about what people think
  • Worry I’ll look back with regret
  • Worry that my stress makes someone else stress worse


Now imagine all of this swirling around my mind and that plus more in my husband’s mind and that’s what happens every time there’s an event or some reason to leave.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way,  but I think most other people get over it at least enough to meet up with friends when these times come up.

My point is, you or someone you know probably feels this way too.  If it’s someone you know, more than likely think they are just rude or shitty people when in reality they are going through a lot of things to even get up in the morning.

All people need to do better. (Me included.) Be better friends. Make friends feel included and wanted. Show interest in things you know they do. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Extroverts and introverts need to work together.

Don’t be that douche on PVP that feels the need to be the best fucking alpha dog and tea bag people.

Or that person on forums who’s first response is something rude, racist, sexist, or any combination of the words git, gud, scrub, or just any other insult that IRL would get you a hate speech charge.

Wait, wait, wait, hold up.

Let me go ahead and nip this in the bud too.

This is not a “if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen” situation. This is more of a “just don’t be a dick” situation.

No, I don’t expect anyone to act as if people are made of glass. I’m not suggesting wearing kid gloves when dealing with every person in world.

You probably think I want things to be like a hippie kids soccer game where they don’t keep score and everyone gets a trophy. Nope, that doesn’t solve anything either in my opinion. What I’m saying, is maybe don’t go push the worst kid into the dirt and yell at them. That doesn’t seem too hard. Or maybe I just expect too much out of the general public.



I’m actually exploding inside

I apologize if this post is a little all over the place. My feeling on these matters, as you might assume, are very passionate.

I love games. I also have a lot of issues. These two facts don’t always see eye to eye.

To be honest a lot of these feeling were brought up by Pokemon Go. It seems to strange. The world starts doing things I think are amazing, but I’m so deep in this hole the world put me in I can’t get out to enjoy it.

In the end, games are great at bringing people together. It’s just a little harder for some. And there’s always one asshole who just wants to make things even harder instead of helping a community. If you are not that asshole, keep up the good work!

Keep being a friend to the people who you meet IRL and online. We all fight different battles, but we should at least be able to team up once in awhile.

(shout-out to Josh, who is my best teammate ever)

From the bottom of my heart, GG!

R/R/R/Review ARK Survival Evolved

I fucking love dinosaurs.


Next Tattoo?

Mix dinosaurs and a crafting/building/survival game, I am all in!

Really. Like I feel not much more explanation should be needed but for the hope that I can get a few more people to join this game, I will hype some more.

An action-adventure survival video game that was first available as an early preview on the PC back in June 2015 then added to Xbox one in December.



  • Food, Water, Temperature & Weather
  • Harvest, Build Structures, Paint Items, Dinos and Yourself
  • Plant, Farm & Grow
  • Tame And Benefit From Numerous Creatures
  • Learn to Craft more Items with Engrams
  • RP Oriented Custom Cooking System!
  • Collect Precious Artifacts In Dangerous Caves
  • Summon The Ultimate Life Forms
  • Advanced Tribe System
  • Hardcore Game Mechanics
  • Explore And Discover
  • Large-World Persistence And Meta-Universe
  • Robust Steam Workshop Mod Support and dedicated DevKit
  • High-End Next-Gen Visuals
  • Host your own Dedicated Server.

Full release is set for June and I can’t wait.

So getting into the game itself; while multi-player servers are an option for you to join…I’m antisocial and don’t care for griefers, I just played alone to begin with.

You spawn naked and afraid. And let me say, please pay attention to your spawn zone when you first get it. There are a ton of options, here are a few suggestions for at least when you are just starting out.

  • Make Sure Difficulty Isn’t Too High
  • Shorten Night Time A Schoch
  • Harvest Amount ^
  • Taming Speed ^
  • Spawn In A Easy Zone!

My first couple of spawns did not go great at all. It was only a few seconds before I was face to face something far larger and far angrier than me.



Shown here tamed for safety

Ok alone is not the way to go…

This is where that extra Xbox comes in handy. (Note that this part is not necessary, you can just co-op play joining a friend but this does have a set back, you can only move a certain distance from the host)

Set up server-bing bang boom-

Join with husband and friend-


Josh showing off the newest build

old house

Ok this is better.


As you can see having friends does help. I’m unsure how great the community is, so I would however recommend playing on your own some before jumping into the public.

There’s a lot to do! You can go from a stone spear to an assault rifle. From eating berries to having a fridge (yes, a refrigerator) stocked with yummy jerky. From cowering in fear to being king of carnos and rexs.



Speaking of-the real highlight here are the dinos and other prehistoric creatures.

in dinoin dinos 3

Over 50 different species. Many many tame-able and most serving different uses.

IE doedicurus for stone, mammoth for wood, frog for killing bugs.

Maybe it’s just me, but I find it pretty effin cool.  I felt like a giddy kid walking beside a bronto the first time


and was throwing out Jurassic Park quotes whenever I could.


They have even more things planed, here are just some of the great steps in the weird evolutionary process that are being added.



One thing I haven’t explored yet are the bosses. As of now there are four.

bosses.pngAwesome, right? Unfortunately, only the Broodmother is on the Xbox summon-able by gathering certain artifacts and taking them to one of the the three mystical obelisks around the map.


So if you were curious as to why you spawn naked and afraid on a strange island with prehistoric creatures and an implant in your arm with these strange glowing obelisks around, here’s what the Official Wiki has to say-

STORY-This is an empty page so far. please post your theories on what the story of the Ark is.

GG, guys, GG.


So there it is guys, if your going to be buying a prehistoric survival game, do yourself a favor make is it this one. It’s a great deal for $35 considering how much time you can really spend in this game.


Happy New Year!

Ah another year passed. To be honest if no one else made a big deal about it, I doubt I would have even noticed. It’s been a busy and by far the greatest year I’ve had in a while.

At the beginning.


Me and my love got married 3/20. After being together for over a decade. And it was a great ceremony and reception. Still beyond grateful for everyone who came.

Middle of the year was mostly uneventful but still amazing.

Here’s me very unhappy at my old job


Here’s me super happy at my new job.


With my frizzy blue hair

Currently a customer service agent for Amazon. I get to work at home and be with my husband



11813320_1012462705439680_3784364341049204660_nmy baby!

Yes Shadowcat was the only addition to our family this year. To the dismay of some who would want to be grandparents.

Once I got working, the year flew by. And since we all know Christmas comes earlier and earlier each year that meant Christmas came in no time.


Me, me and my brofer, me and Joshs family

And the takings of this holiday–

But the real reason I was so excited for this Christmas was because I actually had money to give gifts.

The best of which was…well an inside joke among anyone who plays Destiny.


HoHoHo you get a mote of light and a strange coin

And now it’s new years eve. While others may be out partying and making terrible life decisions. I’m curled up on our couch sipping wine and watching Jurassic Park.

So I’ll say again. It’s been a great year. But so I don’t stray too far away from the main point of my blog here are my top list for this year.


  1. Battlefield Hardline
  2. Dark Souls II
  3. Neverwinter
  4. State Of Decay
  5. Borderlands Handsome Jack Bundle
  6. Don’t Starve Giant Edition
  7. ESO
  8. Fallout 4
  9. Mad max


  1. Jurassic World
  2. Mad Max

Yeah…sorry. I don’t keep up to date on movies. Most the movie I watch came out at least a year before I watched them. But really, with those two…I mean, what else do you need?


Stop! Owen time!





Is it that time already?


So there’s still a little bit of a wait, but hype is hype. And for the first time in a while, I’m started to feel the hype.

*See the hearts below



Oh but why isn’t halo marked you ask. Eh, I loved Halo once upon a time.  And it will probably be good but I can wait for it, no hype needed.

Borderlands 3
I have been a Borderlands fan since the first game, I loved the 2nd to a lesser extent and to a greater extent, the pre-sequel, and all the DLC in between.

My spirit animal

So far the only thing I know is that this project  will be new-gen only.  Which may sucks for some.  But really, the time to upgrade had already came and went.  So if for some reason you haven’t yet,  best get on that.

And even if this game isn’t a direct sequel but another Borderlands story, I’ll still be happy.

The Division
It was first announced E3 2013. It has now been pushed back until 2016.
I don’t think it gets much more hype than that.

Open world, third person, shooter, rpg, mmo, with survival aspects.

So even though it’s still going to be a wait,  I’ll gladly watch anything they want to show me until then.


So pretty

Fallout 4


That is all…

Minecraft: Story Mode

I am a super fan of Tell-Tale Games. Back to the Future, The Walking Dead, Wolf Among Us, Game of Thrones, and Borderlands. All great. Take that and mix it with my already existing love for Minecraft and I’m hoping for a great concoction.


Quantum Break

“Quantum Break for Xbox One is an action-packed, fast paced game in which you bend and shape time in order to survive.”

Let me repeat that. Bend and shape time.

And this-“While developing the game, developers Remedy Entertainment consulted a scientist lecturer who had worked at CERN who taught them how to write the plot in such a way that it adhered to current theoretical physics”

Love that!

Star Wars Battlefront

Do I even have to go over how much of a Star Wars fan I am?

But even with that, I’m slightly hesitant.


Conversation between me and a friend–

There are other things on this list that I am also excited for.

  • Wooly World
  • Mirrors edge 2
  • Phantom Pain
  • Lego Jurassic World
  • Homefront
  • Forza

And of course anything to do with Elder Scrolls as well.

Game informer posted this chart showing whom people were most excited to hear from


And I have to say I mostly agree.

Here is the lineup of whats to come-

CFEEg3nUUAErlGT.png large

So GG!

I can’t wait to have more news!

My Shortcomings As A Geek

As this GameSpot article correctly guessed, I have never played a Witcher game. Not for any reason really.  They look cool,  they look like something I would like,  just never got around to it.

Which got me thinking,  is there anything else I’m lacking? I have played all other games that were listed in the article,  so I’m proud of that.

So here’s what I’ve come up with

  • Candy crush or any other game of that sort
  • Assassin’s creed-I’ve played a little but have never beaten one
  • Fighting games-use to play Tekken in the arcade but that’s about it
  • Bayonetta

But thats pretty much it, including Witcher. So I think I’m doing pretty good on playing the best/popular games.

I can say that so far this year I haven’t played to much of anything. It’s been Neverwinter,  Hardline,  and some Borderlands the pre sequel.

God, that goes with movies too. The newest movie I’ve seen was Frozen. I guess I’m a hipster geek.  I can’t play or watch anything when it first comes out.  It’s to popular then.

So give me some suggestions?  What shouldn’t I miss? Any new movie or game no geek should go without?