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Thank you for joining in!

I am The Shadow Ren and your new best friend
Coming at ya live
As long as you’re 5 by 5

Because the signal can not
will not, should not, could not
be stopped or bought or fought 

Here at the church of the holy and the damned
We fight against the man, man

Here we pray to the Jesus of Suburia
And leave our offerings for Chester
The patron saint of “I tried to tell ya”

And while some of those that work forces
Are the same that burn crosses
we’ve been slaying and praying
and grinding to beat their bosses

So come with me and you’ll see
what its like all around our nation
the injustice you’ll find
will defy explanation


There are a lot of things going on in the world, there always was and always will be. But getting older now has made me realize how angry I should be at the issues in my own country.

Each day I wake up wondering what crazy thing has happened now. The line between the truth and fictional satire is blurred and at times indistinguishable.

My idols are dead and my enemies in power, but don’t worry the resistance is alive. So I leave you today with just something small I wrote

The lord is not my shepard
for I am not a sheep
and while you sleep, I weep
for the sheep are in charge
and though we may be many
they are large

Words of wisdom…
touch not a catt bot a targe

Me and mine both have struggled with different types of anxiety and depression. Use to be every weekend though, we would go to LAN parties for Halo night. We were always busy and always going.

But that stopped. People get older, priorities change, you get put on the back burner or just just realize how shitty some of the people you were friends with, really were.

And all that can be a harsh self confidence hit. So then what?

Oh, I know! I’ll play online! People of all ages, races, and cultures joining together to have fun in the good spirit of competition. What could go wrong?


Oh that’s what can go wrong.

So it’s like a minefield of insults and elitist bullshit.

I understand that not everything is like this, my point is just that a lot of it is. And for someone with anxiety it makes the whole pastime seem completely unapproachable.

I want to play PVP as well as PVE, I want to have a good time, I want the same loot and rewards as everyone else.

But that’s kinda hard when people like me are hyperventilating while trying to psych themselves up just to hit the A button to join.

There seems to be a lack of causal play in fps. I don’t mind being killed. I just don’t want to be ran up on with a shotgun and then tea-bagged because that douche thinks they’re cool. I don’t want to be sniped as soon I spawn. Over and over and over and then getting a message saying to “git gud” What happened to GG and good sportsmanship?

Maybe FPS isn’t the way to go. I’ll just still play PVE but just ignore PVP for a bit.


What’s next?

Omg! Pokemon Go! Augmented reality of a game I’ve been playing for years that brings beloved Pokémon into my world?



…Not much going on here. And…

So close but yet so far

So close but yet so far

This^ this exactly

I don’t go out a lot. I work from home. I don’t have a car or license and as I said, my husbando & I both have anxiety issues that have only gotten worse after the unpleasantness of me losing a job about two years ago.

We just kinda withdrew from the world and stayed there. By there, I mean our house;  with our Xboxs, and our cat.

(which I love him, our cat, and our Xboxs a lot, don’t get me wrong)

But the friends I stay connected with over Facebook are meeting up, going out and combining games with friends and even exercise.
Sounds like a great deal!



Yeah I’m still here.

Things I feel

  • We aren’t wanted
  • We would be singled out as outsiders
  • Someone would bring up a touchy subject that would cause more anxiety
  • Massive guilt for not going and giving people a chance
  • Like a failure at any given point for any given reason
  • Worry about what people think
  • Worry I’ll look back with regret
  • Worry that my stress makes someone else stress worse


Now imagine all of this swirling around my mind and that plus more in my husband’s mind and that’s what happens every time there’s an event or some reason to leave.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way,  but I think most other people get over it at least enough to meet up with friends when these times come up.

My point is, you or someone you know probably feels this way too.  If it’s someone you know, more than likely think they are just rude or shitty people when in reality they are going through a lot of things to even get up in the morning.

All people need to do better. (Me included.) Be better friends. Make friends feel included and wanted. Show interest in things you know they do. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Extroverts and introverts need to work together.

Don’t be that douche on PVP that feels the need to be the best fucking alpha dog and tea bag people.

Or that person on forums who’s first response is something rude, racist, sexist, or any combination of the words git, gud, scrub, or just any other insult that IRL would get you a hate speech charge.

Wait, wait, wait, hold up.

Let me go ahead and nip this in the bud too.

This is not a “if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen” situation. This is more of a “just don’t be a dick” situation.

No, I don’t expect anyone to act as if people are made of glass. I’m not suggesting wearing kid gloves when dealing with every person in world.

You probably think I want things to be like a hippie kids soccer game where they don’t keep score and everyone gets a trophy. Nope, that doesn’t solve anything either in my opinion. What I’m saying, is maybe don’t go push the worst kid into the dirt and yell at them. That doesn’t seem too hard. Or maybe I just expect too much out of the general public.



I’m actually exploding inside

I apologize if this post is a little all over the place. My feeling on these matters, as you might assume, are very passionate.

I love games. I also have a lot of issues. These two facts don’t always see eye to eye.

To be honest a lot of these feeling were brought up by Pokemon Go. It seems to strange. The world starts doing things I think are amazing, but I’m so deep in this hole the world put me in I can’t get out to enjoy it.

In the end, games are great at bringing people together. It’s just a little harder for some. And there’s always one asshole who just wants to make things even harder instead of helping a community. If you are not that asshole, keep up the good work!

Keep being a friend to the people who you meet IRL and online. We all fight different battles, but we should at least be able to team up once in awhile.

(shout-out to Josh, who is my best teammate ever)

From the bottom of my heart, GG!


Zombies, Dune Buggies, and Dismemberment galore!

First let me say my rant isn’t about the fact that this is just a controller that’s price is almost as much as some systems.

My issue is I can’t %€#_=$€/£^¥ find one to €%$€%’*^( buy and I’m pissed as a  %$&’&”‘.


Really, I shouldn’t have to beg.

Chief marketing officer had this to say “Here’s the product we totally underestimated, if I could have built 10 times the number I built, I would have.”

Really Microsoft?!

You release something new and hyped about on 10/27, just when people are almost ready to start shopping for the holiday.

“Announced at e3 the controller boats hair-trigger locks, improved thumbs tick sensitivity and swappable compensation including two different D-pads. There is also button remapping”

Let’s take a look–






Oh what the shit?!

Current estimates are for as far put as March now. But still, how does this happen for a company this large?

It’s like it was set up to fail.

Now something that is in stock and available for purchase…


The bundle.

Yes, a 1TB ssd Xbox One and the new controller sold together for around $500.

Oh fine I guess I’ll just spend $500 on something I only wanted to spend $150 on.

You may think that was sarcasm, but sadly no, that’s my plan right now.

There were other reasons for that decision as well, but the main one being I can find another way of getting the controller without being ripped off by some 3rd party seller. So I guess I’ll just get the bundle.


Wait a minute…




What if that was their plan all along.

Tricky bastards.


What sources say.

What sources say.

As a follow-up to what I was saying on my last post, I don’t really watch blockbuster movies. Maybe it’s a inner hipster thing or maybe I’m just lazy and don’t bother going to the movies.

Point being, I would rather exhaust the Netflix than go out in public with…




My goal in life is to be able to afford to rent out theater.

So here’s a  small list of some ones that Josh and I have found that deserve a look at.

  • Chef
  • +1
  • Fido
  • God Bless America

So first off



John Favreau, Sofia Vergara, and John Leguizamo. Most movies I end up watching are either horror or scifi. This is an odd exception. More of a comedy than anything.

A divorcee (John F.) gets fed up with his fancy restaurant restraints and decides instead to start a food truck.


The description doesn’t do it justice on how entertaining it really is. All the characters are lovable and completely believable. Even the main characters son, who joins him on the road.

I usually hate child actors. (they always overact) But this kid is great.

And the food. Omg the food.



Need another reason to drool?


I could listen to her talk all day lol






“Three college friends hit the biggest party of the year, where a mysterious phenomenon disrupts the night, quickly descending into a chaos that challenges their friendships — and whether they can stay alive.”

This movie is a mind fuck that doesn’t stop. So a sum up would be, Time skips that duplicate people and the repercussions of it.

I don’t want to give away too much but just trust me its worth the watch. If nothing else IMDb has it at 8/10 on sex and nudity and 7/10 on alcohol and drugs. So great party movie.





This one is simply to explain. The 50’s + Zombies = greatness.

I’ve already said I will watch just about any movie with zombies in it and this one just so happens to be a great example of why.


Just a simply story of a boy and his pet…zombie.





God Bless America

Ah, well intentioned killing sprees. Horrible in real life, can be amusing in movies.


A dark comedy (the best kind) crime movie directed by Bobcat Goldthwait.

I mean really though, it’s sad how much I agree with the points made in this movie.


While I don’t condone violence, if there was ever a reason to go on a spree.

^^^^^^ would be it.


So there’s a small list of my suggestions. There are a few others I would offer-

  • Skeleton Twins *sarcastic dry humor from SNL stars
  • Cruel and Unusual *afterlife punishment
  • Perfect Host *very strange horror movie with a twist
  • Timelapse *more time traveling drama

I’ll try to keep updating my page though.



Ok so I ended up playing Destiny all night and not writing.
So tomorrow I will work on that.
But in the mean time.
Have this hype—


Oh yeah!
Fun fact – I love farming sim!
So I will be passing that hype along as well.