Anxiety, Gaming, and You

Posted: July 19, 2016 in Rant/Raves, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Me and mine both have struggled with different types of anxiety and depression. Use to be every weekend though, we would go to LAN parties for Halo night. We were always busy and always going.

But that stopped. People get older, priorities change, you get put on the back burner or just just realize how shitty some of the people you were friends with, really were.

And all that can be a harsh self confidence hit. So then what?

Oh, I know! I’ll play online! People of all ages, races, and cultures joining together to have fun in the good spirit of competition. What could go wrong?


Oh that’s what can go wrong.

So it’s like a minefield of insults and elitist bullshit.

I understand that not everything is like this, my point is just that a lot of it is. And for someone with anxiety it makes the whole pastime seem completely unapproachable.

I want to play PVP as well as PVE, I want to have a good time, I want the same loot and rewards as everyone else.

But that’s kinda hard when people like me are hyperventilating while trying to psych themselves up just to hit the A button to join.

There seems to be a lack of causal play in fps. I don’t mind being killed. I just don’t want to be ran up on with a shotgun and then tea-bagged because that douche thinks they’re cool. I don’t want to be sniped as soon I spawn. Over and over and over and then getting a message saying to “git gud” What happened to GG and good sportsmanship?

Maybe FPS isn’t the way to go. I’ll just still play PVE but just ignore PVP for a bit.


What’s next?

Omg! Pokemon Go! Augmented reality of a game I’ve been playing for years that brings beloved Pokémon into my world?



…Not much going on here. And…

So close but yet so far

So close but yet so far

This^ this exactly

I don’t go out a lot. I work from home. I don’t have a car or license and as I said, my husbando & I both have anxiety issues that have only gotten worse after the unpleasantness of me losing a job about two years ago.

We just kinda withdrew from the world and stayed there. By there, I mean our house;  with our Xboxs, and our cat.

(which I love him, our cat, and our Xboxs a lot, don’t get me wrong)

But the friends I stay connected with over Facebook are meeting up, going out and combining games with friends and even exercise.
Sounds like a great deal!



Yeah I’m still here.

Things I feel

  • We aren’t wanted
  • We would be singled out as outsiders
  • Someone would bring up a touchy subject that would cause more anxiety
  • Massive guilt for not going and giving people a chance
  • Like a failure at any given point for any given reason
  • Worry about what people think
  • Worry I’ll look back with regret
  • Worry that my stress makes someone else stress worse


Now imagine all of this swirling around my mind and that plus more in my husband’s mind and that’s what happens every time there’s an event or some reason to leave.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way,  but I think most other people get over it at least enough to meet up with friends when these times come up.

My point is, you or someone you know probably feels this way too.  If it’s someone you know, more than likely think they are just rude or shitty people when in reality they are going through a lot of things to even get up in the morning.

All people need to do better. (Me included.) Be better friends. Make friends feel included and wanted. Show interest in things you know they do. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Extroverts and introverts need to work together.

Don’t be that douche on PVP that feels the need to be the best fucking alpha dog and tea bag people.

Or that person on forums who’s first response is something rude, racist, sexist, or any combination of the words git, gud, scrub, or just any other insult that IRL would get you a hate speech charge.

Wait, wait, wait, hold up.

Let me go ahead and nip this in the bud too.

This is not a “if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen” situation. This is more of a “just don’t be a dick” situation.

No, I don’t expect anyone to act as if people are made of glass. I’m not suggesting wearing kid gloves when dealing with every person in world.

You probably think I want things to be like a hippie kids soccer game where they don’t keep score and everyone gets a trophy. Nope, that doesn’t solve anything either in my opinion. What I’m saying, is maybe don’t go push the worst kid into the dirt and yell at them. That doesn’t seem too hard. Or maybe I just expect too much out of the general public.



I’m actually exploding inside

I apologize if this post is a little all over the place. My feeling on these matters, as you might assume, are very passionate.

I love games. I also have a lot of issues. These two facts don’t always see eye to eye.

To be honest a lot of these feeling were brought up by Pokemon Go. It seems to strange. The world starts doing things I think are amazing, but I’m so deep in this hole the world put me in I can’t get out to enjoy it.

In the end, games are great at bringing people together. It’s just a little harder for some. And there’s always one asshole who just wants to make things even harder instead of helping a community. If you are not that asshole, keep up the good work!

Keep being a friend to the people who you meet IRL and online. We all fight different battles, but we should at least be able to team up once in awhile.

(shout-out to Josh, who is my best teammate ever)

From the bottom of my heart, GG!

  1. Entropy says:

    As someone with 20+ years of experience dealing with depression, I can tell you that, the only one who can “fix” you, is you. Medication helps. Friends pushing you to get out helps, as do obligations that force you to leave the house. But ultimately, you are the only one who can make that happen. It sucks. But there it is.

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